Why it's not possible to "fix" another person
Someone said to me recently, “I’ve found so much relief and joy from learning how to take care of myself, using food as fuel and living in an intentional way. I feel frustrated, though, that my husband and family aren’t on the same page. What should I do?” I have since learned through life experience and working with hundreds of clients that, actually, you cannot fix another person outside of yourself.
Someone said to me recently, “I’ve found so much relief and joy from learning how to take care of myself, using food as fuel and living in an intentional way. I feel frustrated, though, that my husband and family aren’t on the same page. I see so many people around me that could benefit from making some of the changes I have, and I just want to be able to help them! What should I do?”
I thought this was such a good question that many of us grapple with. When I was first learning about how to use diet and lifestyle shifts to improve my health and wellbeing 15 years ago it was totally revolutionary. I would have shouted this from the rooftops and spoken about it to anyone who would listen. I did, in fact, speak about it to anyone who would listen haha. I would hear someone was struggling with something I knew I could help, and I’d give them my suggestions and a plan even if they didn't ask for it. I thought I was helping.
I have since learned through life experience and working with hundreds of clients that, actually, you cannot fix another person outside of yourself.
I’ll say it again…
You cannot fix another person.
Even if you love them and want the best for them.
Even if you have all the right answers and can really help.
Furthermore, it’s not your responsibility to do so.
True healing and ownership of self has to come from that person themselves.
Of course this doesn’t mean that you can’t give suggestions, and recommend books or practices that have helped you, but unless that person is ready and willing to change themselves, your efforts will be in vain and maybe even unwelcome.
One thing that’s critically important is assessing readiness for change, which is something I do with all of my coaching clients. I connect with that person, understand where they are at, and meet them there. If I were to meet them where I think they should be, or where I want them to be, it simply doesn’t work.
I used to think the most loving thing would be to encourage change until it happened. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not actually very loving to force change on someone or expect change from someone who is not ready. The most loving thing is to meet that person where they are at and be there with them, ready to support.
Healing is a completely personal journey and everyone moves through it at very different times. We have to honor those around us as separate persons or entities, take responsibility for ourselves, and meet others where they are at.
The #1 thing you can do if those around you aren’t on the same path as you is lead by example.
When others see that you have more energy, a clearer mind, and feel more comfortable in your body they will be more inclined to say, “I’ll have what she’s having!” There is always a ripple effect when one person in a family or circle begins to live more intentionally and care for themselves in a different way, and it spreads around to others. Those that are looking for change or a new path forward will take note and reach out when it feels right for them.
Prefer to listen? Tune into The Live Well Podcast below
(AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
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Or if you’d like to play the episode right now in your browser, use the player below:
If we haven't met before, I'm Christina Tidwell and I'm so excited that you're here! I am a RN & Functional Nutrition Practitioner that helps those with autoimmune disease, hormone imbalance and gut issues heal without overwhelm so you can feel better in your body in a way that honors your unique needs and feels sustainable for the rest of your life.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Painful periods and PMS
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I’m here to help guide you! My job is to clear the overwhelm, help you put the pieces of the puzzle together and co-create a sustainable path forward to help you reach your goals and feel better in your amazing body. When we work together you can’t fail.
In my health & nutrition coaching programs I support you in the quest to get back into balance by listening to your story, understanding your needs, getting to the roots of imbalance in the body and co-creating a sustainable path to healing together. These sessions weave together functional nutrition and science, lived experience, breathwork, mindset shifts, and intuitive guidance for a unique and full-spectrum approach to nutrition counseling and holistic health.
I always offer free 20-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and identify what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.
LIVE WELL PODCAST | Ep #49 - Embracing all parts of ourselves with Claire Bradshaw
In this episode Clare speaks about her experience with burn out, declining health, discontentment with life and losing her connection with herself. Join us as we delve deep into the concept of “becoming whole” and learn tangible ways to reconnect with yourself.
Today on The Live Well Podcast we’re speaking with Claire Bradshaw about embracing all parts of ourselves in the healing journey. Claire Bradshaw is a life coach, yoga teacher and host of the Becoming Whole Podcast. She supports women to empower themselves to ditch stress and overwhelm so that they can connect with their whole selves and their life’s purpose. She guides them to step into their own brilliance and express their personal gifts.
In this episode Clare speaks about her own experience with burn out, declining health, discontentment with life and losing the connection with herself. Join us as we delve deep into the concept of “becoming whole” and learn tangible ways to reconnect with yourself and reignite that fire in your life!
LISTEN BELOW (AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Show Notes:
0:00 Intro
0:56 Introducing Clare Bradshaw
2:30 Claire’s personal experience with burn out, physical symptoms of extreme fatigue and dizziness, discontentment with life and losing her connection with herself
7:30 Exploring the “root causes” of chronic health issues
9:50 How to uncover what you value most in life as the first step to living in alignment
12:40 The importance of allowing “blank space” within your day
“Our society is addicted to productivity and achieving”
23:04 How to start the process of connecting inwards to yourself to understand what you need
What are my values?
Is the way I’m living my life currently aligned with these values?
Am I giving myself what I need?
Scheduling time in your life to slow down and to do things that bring you joy
23:52 The importance of getting into the parasympathetic branch of our nervous system
Claire’s favorite breathing exercise to get into the parasympathetic nervous system
29:00 Exploring the feelings of guilt or unworthiness when you start to give to yourself
32:00 How to give yourself time at the start of your day and create a morning routine that works!
39:00 How to connect with Claire
40:42 Outro
If you loved this episode, I'd be honored if you would give me a rating on iTunes. This helps me to get content out to others who are interested in getting control of their health through diet, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment. Thank you for your support!
If we haven't met before, I'm Christina Tidwell, founder and owner of Live Well with Christina. I'm so excited that you're here and have begun to delve into your health and wellness journey! Here at Live Well we help people with chronic autoimmune disease take control of their health through nutrition, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I can help guide you through 1:1 health and nutrition coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together. Autoimmune disease is complex and to address it we need to come at it from all angles (pharmaceutical therapies from your doctor while also focusing on root cause factors like gut health, diet, sleep and stress). I offer accountability, a knowledgeable resource and most importantly support.
I always offer free 30-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you. I can’t wait to hear from you!
LIVE WELL PODCAST | Ep #47 - How to use the “Be - Do - Have” model to get what you want out of life with Sarah Kolman
Sarah Kolman a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, and Contemplative Psychotherapist. I’m excited to have Sarah on the podcast to delve deep into the concept of reframing our mindset and practicing adjusting our lens so we perceive life and relationships in a more positive and fulfilling way.
Do you ever feel stuck? Focusing on what you want to HAVE in life and what you have to DO to get there?
Today on The Live Well Podcast I’m speaking with the amazing Sarah Kolman about feeling stuck and the importance of mindset in our healing journey. We’re going to explore not just what we do to become healthy, but who we are as that person doing the tasks as we explore the BE > DO > HAVE model of creating change.
Here’s an example from Sarah of a conversation that may feel familiar to you:
“I want to have a thin, slim body and what I’ll do to get there is restrict carbs and exercise 7 days a week so that I will be attractive and lovable.”
This approach to having the life we want is called the HAVE > DO > BE model. This model creates the result that we are always chasing our tails because when we focus on what we’re going to have first and foremost and we never arrive at the place where we’re thin or beautiful enough to actually feel lovable, worthy, attractive etc.
It’s safe to say that we have all been there. At some point or another, we’ve all had an idea about the missing piece—losing 20 pounds, finding the right partner, getting a new job —that will finally make us happy, attractive, lovable, worthy, or enough. We make ourselves crazy chasing that missing piece, or feeling unsatisfied when we do get it. This trap feels comfortable to us because we are so bought into (and just about everything in society reinforces) the notion of our own unworthiness. The “thing” will never be what gives us what we yearn for deep inside.
Fortunately, it’s completely within our power to change the channel. When we focus on our ability to shift our ways of being, we tap into our power to create the results we want. This is one of the most powerful episodes I've recorded to date and I HIGHLY recommend tuning in.
Sarah Kolman a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nutrition Health Coach, and Contemplative Psychotherapist. Sarah’s unique one-on-one health coaching practice blends her nursing and psychotherapy experience with holistic and nutrition-based health concepts. A passionate student in the field of psychoneuroimmunology, she helps her clients heal by focusing on the brain-body connection and its profound impact on wellness.
With Sarah’s support and guidance, clients learn to manage stubborn symptoms that have persisted through countless traditional treatments. She is also the author of the book Full Plate: Nourishing Your Family’s Whole Health in a Busy World.
I’m excited to have Sarah on the podcast to delve deep into the concept of reframing our mindset and practicing adjusting our lens so we perceive life and relationships in a more positive and fulfilling way.
LISTEN BELOW (AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Show Notes:
0:00 Intro
4:28 Sarah explains what “ways of being” means in contrast to tasks of “doing”.
9:40 How you can still feel calm, free and at ease while still doing the same tasks you normally would (without feeling stress!)
11:26 I describe a typical Monday schedule and how I would normally approach my full day of “doing.”
14:08 Together we reframe my schedule to inspire calm, presence and peace for my day.
16:48 How stepping back actually takes the pressure and stress off my day.
20:47 Sarah takes us through a practical Be - Do - Have excercise.
30:27 How living with flow, ease and grace requires practice and rewiring our limiting beliefs.
32:40 How the practice of looking at your thoughts and what you make them mean, is completely in your power and how to choose another story that works for you!
37:25 Sarah suggests a an easy question to ask ourselves so we can begin using the Be - Do - Have concept.
42:05 Outro
If you loved this episode, I'd be honored for you to give me a rating on iTunes. This helps me to get content out to others who are interested in getting control of their health through diet, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment.
If we haven't met before, I'm Christina Tidwell, founder and owner of Live Well with Christina. I'm so excited that you're here and have begun to delve into your health and wellness journey! Here at Live Well we help people with autoimmune disease take control of their health through nutrition, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I can help guide you through 1:1 health and nutrition coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together. Autoimmune disease is complex and to address it we need to come at it from all angles (pharmaceutical therapies from your doctor while also focusing on root cause factors like gut health, diet, sleep and stress). I offer accountability, a knowledgeable resource and most importantly support.
I always offer free 30-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.
3 tips for supporting your body during busy days
Do you often feel stretched for time? Like you can never get on top of your to-do list or get a real grasp on your day?
I often hear from clients how their using coffee and sugar for afternoon pick-me-ups to combat their fatigue and crashes, even though they know it’s not supportive.
More recently, I’ve also been managing a busier schedule and I’ve discovered a few really easy, tangible ways to support my body so I can keep up with my to-do list without burning myself out.
![3 tips for supporting your body during busy days [Live Well]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/573cbf27c2ea51f428cb5132/1556822081847-AP72HWM8PLBB4OHDO30N/3+tips+for+supporting+your+body+during+busy+days+%5BLive+Well%5D)
Do you often feel stretched for time? Like you can never get on top of your to-do list or get a real grasp on your day?
These past few months for me have been the busiest my business has ever seen which is amazing! I’ve been able to work with so many people to take control of their health using diet, lifestyle shifts and personal empowerment. That being said, I’ve. Been. Busy. And when I get busy a fear creeps in that I will burn out, that I can’t handle it all, that I’ll get a flare up. Because in the past I HAVE. I’ve struggled with adrenal fatigue and burnout and stress and currently the #1 triggers for my own flares.
And I know this is something every single one (yes every single one…) of my clients is managing as well.
This time around, I’ve decided to do it differently and change the belief that, “I have to burn out in order to succeed.” Today I’m sharing with you the top 3 ways I’ve been supporting my body during this busy time that are actually working!
In the video below I share:
Why burn out and fatigue are not inevitable or a requirement for success.
How I shifted my mindset to radical self care in order to avoid adrenal fatigue.
3 easy practices I’ve found that help me fill up my energy tank and stay on my game to serve clients in my coaching practice.
Prefer to listen? Tune into The Live Well Podcast below (AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Or if you’d like to play the episode right now in your browser, use the player below:
Are you dealing with symptoms of chronic fatigue, brain fog, autoimmune disease, pain or digestive issues?
You’ve gone to doctor after doctor. You’ve received some answers, have started on medications and notice some relief (thank goodness!) but are still left feeling exhausted, stressed, inflamed and not fully yourself?
Or maybe every test has come back “normal” and your practitioners have told you that there isn’t anything they can do, to come back when things get worse, or to simply manage your stress better?
If yes, then you are someone who would benefit form 1:1 holistic health coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together. Autoimmune disease is complex and to address it we need to come at it from all angles (pharmaceutical therapies from your doctor while also focusing on root cause factors like gut health, diet, sleep and stress). I offer accountability, a knowledgeable resource and most importantly support.
I always offer free 30-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.