Why it's not possible to "fix" another person
Someone said to me recently, “I’ve found so much relief and joy from learning how to take care of myself, using food as fuel and living in an intentional way. I feel frustrated, though, that my husband and family aren’t on the same page. What should I do?” I have since learned through life experience and working with hundreds of clients that, actually, you cannot fix another person outside of yourself.
Someone said to me recently, “I’ve found so much relief and joy from learning how to take care of myself, using food as fuel and living in an intentional way. I feel frustrated, though, that my husband and family aren’t on the same page. I see so many people around me that could benefit from making some of the changes I have, and I just want to be able to help them! What should I do?”
I thought this was such a good question that many of us grapple with. When I was first learning about how to use diet and lifestyle shifts to improve my health and wellbeing 15 years ago it was totally revolutionary. I would have shouted this from the rooftops and spoken about it to anyone who would listen. I did, in fact, speak about it to anyone who would listen haha. I would hear someone was struggling with something I knew I could help, and I’d give them my suggestions and a plan even if they didn't ask for it. I thought I was helping.
I have since learned through life experience and working with hundreds of clients that, actually, you cannot fix another person outside of yourself.
I’ll say it again…
You cannot fix another person.
Even if you love them and want the best for them.
Even if you have all the right answers and can really help.
Furthermore, it’s not your responsibility to do so.
True healing and ownership of self has to come from that person themselves.
Of course this doesn’t mean that you can’t give suggestions, and recommend books or practices that have helped you, but unless that person is ready and willing to change themselves, your efforts will be in vain and maybe even unwelcome.
One thing that’s critically important is assessing readiness for change, which is something I do with all of my coaching clients. I connect with that person, understand where they are at, and meet them there. If I were to meet them where I think they should be, or where I want them to be, it simply doesn’t work.
I used to think the most loving thing would be to encourage change until it happened. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not actually very loving to force change on someone or expect change from someone who is not ready. The most loving thing is to meet that person where they are at and be there with them, ready to support.
Healing is a completely personal journey and everyone moves through it at very different times. We have to honor those around us as separate persons or entities, take responsibility for ourselves, and meet others where they are at.
The #1 thing you can do if those around you aren’t on the same path as you is lead by example.
When others see that you have more energy, a clearer mind, and feel more comfortable in your body they will be more inclined to say, “I’ll have what she’s having!” There is always a ripple effect when one person in a family or circle begins to live more intentionally and care for themselves in a different way, and it spreads around to others. Those that are looking for change or a new path forward will take note and reach out when it feels right for them.
Prefer to listen? Tune into The Live Well Podcast below
(AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Or if you’d like to play the episode right now in your browser, use the player below:
If we haven't met before, I'm Christina Tidwell and I'm so excited that you're here! I am a RN & Functional Nutrition Practitioner that helps those with autoimmune disease, hormone imbalance and gut issues heal without overwhelm so you can feel better in your body in a way that honors your unique needs and feels sustainable for the rest of your life.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Painful periods and PMS
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I’m here to help guide you! My job is to clear the overwhelm, help you put the pieces of the puzzle together and co-create a sustainable path forward to help you reach your goals and feel better in your amazing body. When we work together you can’t fail.
In my health & nutrition coaching programs I support you in the quest to get back into balance by listening to your story, understanding your needs, getting to the roots of imbalance in the body and co-creating a sustainable path to healing together. These sessions weave together functional nutrition and science, lived experience, breathwork, mindset shifts, and intuitive guidance for a unique and full-spectrum approach to nutrition counseling and holistic health.
I always offer free 20-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and identify what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.
Soothing Marshmallow Root Tea Recipe
Marshmallow root is traditionally used to support a healthy digestive system and the gastric mucosa, as well as the oral and pharyngeal mucosa. It is especially soothing to the stomach and it is known to reduce inflammation in the small intestine. Get the recipe for my Gut Soothing Marshmallow Tea!
I recently made this marshmallow root and peppermint tea for a gut health workshop I taught and it was a BIG hit!
If you’ve never heard of marshmallow root, it’s a fantastic herb in the mucilage family I like to incorporate to support a healthy digestive system. This plant grows in salt marshes, by the sea, along riverbanks, and other damp areas, hence its name, “marshmallow” root. [1]
This root conjures up ideas of the fluffy, white sugar puffs we know as marshmallows, doesn’t it? As the folklore goes, marshmallows are one of the oldest desserts known to man, with accounts of ancient Egyptians making special candies made of marshmallow root and honey. The first marshmallow which resembled our modern day ones was made in France around 1850. Marshmallow root was added to corn syrup, egg whites, and water and was heated, and poured into molds to create little desserts! [1]
Here is a description to further understand the properties and potential benefits:
“Marshmallow works as a mucilage, producing a thick sticky substance that coats membranes. Marshmallow extract contains flavonoids, which contain anti-inflammatory properties. The flavonoids are able to reduce inflammation while the mucilage holds them in place and prevents further damage. The extracts also induce phagocytosis, which is the process in which certain cells engulf bacteria, dead cell tissues or other solid particles. This helps speed up the healing process. The mucilage remains unaltered until it reaches the colon, which is why marshmallow works well on most inflammatory digestive disorders.” [2]
It definitely doesn’t taste like the sugary marshmallows that we know, but it has a mildly sweet and earthy flavor when made into an infusion. As you can see in the recipe below, I like to add some peppermint leaves for a really refreshing taste! I like to have a cup of it in the evening, or in between meals.
You may be used to making your teas with hot water. With marshmallow root, we want to make an infusion using cold water because we are better able to extract the mucilage this way.
You can buy herbs like peppermint or marshmallow root from a local herbal store or source them online from somewhere like Mountain Rose Herbs.
It’s important to note that orally administered drugs should be taken 1 hour before use or several hours after, as marshmallow may slow the absorption because of the way it coats the absorptive gut lining. We always recommend that you consult with a qualified healthcare practitioner before using any herbs or supplements, particularly if you are pregnant, nursing, or on any medications to make sure they are right for you.
Soothing Marshmallow Root Tea
Ingredients
1 Tbsp marshmallow root
1 Tbsp dried peppermint leaf
2 cups filtered water
Directions
Place all ingredients into a pint size mason jar (if you have a bigger container feel free to double the recipe)
Pour cold (or room temperature) filtered water over the herbs and fill to the top.
Place in the fridge for a minimum of 3 hours. I usually make this before bed and allow it to steep over night.
Strain the herbs, and drink the tea cold. Enjoy!
I hope you love this recipe! You can also download my free Love Your Gut Recipe book, and you’ll receive 7 more simple recipes to incorporate gut-loving foods into your life. Click the link below to get them delivered right to your inbox!
Hi! I’m Christina
I'm so excited that you're here! I am a RN & Functional Nutrition Practitioner that helps those with autoimmune disease, hormone imbalance and gut issues heal without overwhelm so you can feel better in your body in a way that honors your unique needs and feels sustainable for the rest of your life.
If you suffer from:
Fatigue and energy crashes
Brain fog
Poor digestion
Painful periods and PMS
Symptoms of autoimmunity
Stress and overwhelm
...and aren't getting the support you need, I’m here to help guide you! My job is to clear the overwhelm, help you put the pieces of the puzzle together and co-create a sustainable path forward to help you reach your goals and feel better in your amazing body. When we work together you can’t fail.
In my health & nutrition coaching programs I support you in the quest to get back into balance by listening to your story, understanding your needs, getting to the roots of imbalance in the body and co-creating a sustainable path to healing together. These sessions weave together functional nutrition and science, lived experience, breathwork, mindset shifts, and intuitive guidance for a unique and full-spectrum approach to nutrition counseling and holistic health.
I always offer free 20-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and identify what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.
How to build your care team
Building a care team over time helps us to address all the areas of our lives in which we need support. In the video I’ve outlined the six major areas of our lives where different players in a care team can support us.
Complex illness requires a mix of conventional, pharmaceutical or surgical treatments as well as attention to diet and digestive health, stress, movement, and our spiritual and emotional health. Living well with chronic disease requires a team approach to be able to address all of these underlying factors.
Often times we only look to one practitioner to get all of our answers and support. We may feel frustrated or uncared for when we get instructions on what medications to take, but no guidance around day to day practices that promote health.
Building a care team over time helps us to address all the areas of our lives in which we need support. In the video below I’ve outlined the six major areas of our lives where different players in a care team can support us.
Medical
Root cause investigation
Mind/Spirit/Emotional
Nutrition
Mindful movement
Stress reduction
I’ve given you some ideas to get started in the video below (this list is by no means exhaustive). You don’t need to go out and employ six new practitioners today, but over time you will be able to gather a team that works to support your unique needs. Some facets of your care team may even include free yoga videos, friends and family, or a trusted podcast you go to for information and inspiration!
Listen below to learn how to start building your unique care team!
Prefer to listen? Tune into The Live Well Podcast below (AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Or if you’d like to play the episode right now in your browser, use the player below:
Are you dealing with symptoms of chronic fatigue, brain fog, autoimmune disease, pain or digestive issues?
You’ve gone to doctor after doctor. You’ve received some answers, have started on medications and notice some relief (thank goodness!) but are still left feeling exhausted, stressed, inflamed and not fully yourself?
Or maybe every test has come back “normal” and your practitioners have told you that there isn’t anything they can do, to come back when things get worse, or to simply manage your stress better?
If yes, then you are someone who would benefit form 1:1 holistic health coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together. Autoimmune disease is complex and to address it we need to come at it from all angles (pharmaceutical therapies from your doctor while also focusing on root cause factors like gut health, diet, sleep and stress). I offer accountability, a knowledgeable resource and most importantly support.
I always offer free 30-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.
I'm working with an integrative doctor, do I need a health coach?
Health and nutrition coaching is a relatively new area of support in our healthcare system. I sometimes get the question from potential clients, “I’m working with an integrative doctor, how does health coaching fit into this picture?” It’s a great question and one I would love to bring some clarity to today!
Health and nutrition coaching is a relatively new area of support in our healthcare system. I sometimes get the question from potential clients, “I’m working with an integrative doctor, how does health coaching fit into this picture?” It’s a great question and one I would love to bring some clarity to today!
Watch the video below or read on to learn about the top 3 ways health and nutrition coaching helps you achieve optimal health, it’s unique and critical role in our current healthcare system, and the best ways to work synergistically with your care team to get the most out of your care.
I understand that depending on where we are in terms of time, readiness for change and finances, we may need to pick and choose what kind of support we are able to get at the present moment.
The goal of this video is to clarify the roles of different practitioners so you can pick what you need most, rather than to tell you that in order to be healthy you need to have a huge care team of fancy practitioners, because you don’t!
1. Time
Integrative (Naturopathic, Functional Medicine, etc.) practitioners are amazing in that they usually allocate a whole lot more time for patient visits than your standard conventional doctor. It’s because it takes time to get to the root cause of complex, chronic issues and a 15-minute visit just won’t cut it.
That being said they’re still doctors with busy schedules! You’re likely to see them initially and then maybe every 2-3 months depending on their practice or financial constraints. Depending on what’s going on for you, it may take a lot more time and investigating to understand the full picture of what’s going on in your body.
Health coaching is structured in a way where we are able to meet more regularly (weekly and bi-weekly) and have more frequent contact to dig deep and uncover the sources of imbalance in your life.
An example is a client I worked with who had a lot of complex chronic issues going on. She had her initial visit with her functional medicine practitioner and left with a giant diagnosis list and a bag full of supplements.
In that time he was able to uncover a lot through bloodwork and testing which was amazing!
As we worked together over the coming weeks we were able to see that she had blood sugar balancing issues due to how and when she was eating, a very high-stress load, insomnia at 2-3am every night, and 8/10 bloating when eating certain foods.
None of this was uncovered in the single doctor’s visit, so I was able to make a few, basic dietary and lifestyle recommendation and also recommend a SIBO breath test, which came back positive and her doctor was able to treat her more effectively. Time is valuable and necessary to uncover what’s going on in the body, but also to implement interventions and asses results in order to modify for that unique person.
2. Guidance to avoid overwhelm
Since you may only see your practitioner every 2-3 months, they want to make sure that you get all the information you need in that visit. For some people, this may work out really well. If you are the kind of person that gets a list of dietary changes, daily routines, lifestyle modifications and supplements to take and thinks, “Bring it ON!” that might work for you!
For the majority of people I work with, and for myself as well, that approach tends to be really overwhelming.
I had a client who got a giant list of her many diagnoses, a list of foods to eliminate and include, and a supplement regimen that was 5 pages long (I kid you not). What happened in her case (and what I see all too often) is the overwhelm set in, she panicked and froze in inaction.
She didn’t know how she was going to begin to cut out gluten and sugar let alone incorporate meditation every day, or get a routine with her many supplements.
It began to feel like a full-time job she didn’t feel qualified for. She came to me for support, guidance and someone to create a plan with her that felt manageable. At the end of the day, we can have all of the information in the world but if we don’t have a plan to integrate it into our lives in a sustainable way, it doesn’t matter and we won’t see the results we want.
This is the beauty of health coaching and why I believe it to be a critical asset in our current healthcare system. I hear from so many clients, “I know what I should be doing, I’m just not doing it,” and it’s not because you are bad or a failure, it’s just because you haven’t found a way to integrate things into your life in a way that feels sustainable rather than like you’re either “on the wagon” or “off the wagon.”
That’s precisely what I guide you to do though health and nutrition coaching. Together we implement changes that feel simple, clear, manageable, good and sustainable.
3. Nutrition
Depending on your practitioner and their scope of practice, you may or may not get guidance around nutrition. Some providers give no information, others give templates for elimination diets, and others are more involved in the process. It’s been my general experience that most integrative doctors don’t spent a lot of time understand what it is you are eating on a daily basis, and how you are digesting that food. Pieces that are essential to healing.
Again it comes back to time.
It takes time to review food/symptom/poop journals and gather nuanced information about how what you are eating on a daily basis is affecting you. They have a lot to cover and may not have the time to go as deep as we need to on the nutrition piece!
I partner with a lot of integrative doctors in my local area because they need support and realize that they don’t have time to do everything. Likewise, they have tools and knowledge that I do not that may become necessary in the healing journey.
If you are looking for more targeted nutrition support I recommend health and nutrition coaching in order to find what works for you specifically rather than just going off of a template.
I hope that helps to clarify the role of health and nutrition coaching in our healthcare system and how you can benefit!
I chose to devote my life to this field as an RN and certified health and nutrition coach because I believe it to be the missing piece. The support we need to make health feel attainable no matter where we are at in the present moment. If you have any questions comment below, I’d love to hear your experience!
Prefer to listen? Tune into The Live Well Podcast below (AND DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE SO YOU'LL NEVER MISS OUT!)
Click here to listen in iTunes
Click here to listen in Stitcher
Or if you’d like to play the episode right now in your browser, use the player below:
Are you dealing with symptoms of chronic fatigue, brain fog, autoimmune disease, pain or digestive issues?
You’ve gone to doctor after doctor. You’ve received some answers, have started on medications and notice some relief (thank goodness!) but are still left feeling exhausted, stressed, inflamed and not fully yourself?
Or maybe every test has come back “normal” and your practitioners have told you that there isn’t anything they can do, to come back when things get worse, or to simply manage your stress better?
If yes, then you are someone who would benefit form 1:1 holistic health coaching.
Health coaching is a necessary extension of the health care system in that together we have more time to uncover issues, implement strategies and assess outcomes together. Autoimmune disease is complex and to address it we need to come at it from all angles (pharmaceutical therapies from your doctor while also focusing on root cause factors like gut health, diet, sleep and stress). I offer accountability, a knowledgeable resource and most importantly support.
I always offer free 30-minute discovery sessions to get clear on your major health concerns and what’s standing in your way. Click the button below to set up your free consultation and we can create a plan of action specifically for you.